58. House Music

23 Jun

As we’re sure it’s obvious to everyone, we’re living in the course of a musical revolution. And because betches are always one step ahead of the game, not only are they cruising on this techno train, but they’re the fucking conductors. We’re talking about a time when iPods are half way filled with different DJs, when SHM isn’t a fucking physics term, and when two of a betch’s best friends are Armin and Benny. We’re talking about the uprising of house music.

Of course we understand that music is a very sensitive topic for almost everyone so we’ll try to be as delicate as betches are capable of being. But, if you have not the slightest clue as to what we’re talking about, it’s time for you get out from under your ugly rock.

Let’s break it down:

House music has always been a shady underground genre of music associated with partying until dawn and a shit ton of ecstasy, mostly in Europe. But it’s been brought to an entirely new level. As soon as people (and betches) hear that Steve Angello is going to be in Vegas this summer, they immediately start planning their trip. And by people, we mean everyone and their mothers.

Betches love the house music era because it makes it widely socially acceptable that they’ll not only be rolling their faces off, but they’ll also be dressing like sluts in neon. Put on your “effortless” outfit of high shorts, crop top, and your biggest fucking sunglasses and flock to the next summer festival. Betches have always been jealous of their hippy parents who went to Woodstock in ‘69. Well, now we have our own Woodstock, only better, and it happens 20 times a year.

We understand that there are some alternative/hater betches out there who aren’t into this shit…but get a grip. You can’t get the fuck away from dubstep even if you tried. Betches won’t even come close to a song that doesn’t have some form of extreme bass lines incorporated, or isn’t by an artist called Crystal Method or A-Trak. Even Nirvana is remixed. It’s a fucking Revolution.

Betches’ #23 pregames have never been the same since house music became popularized. During a pregame, the betch with the new best song is always the most respected. Whether she’s found the new cool blog or fucked some up-and-coming DJ, she has a one-up on the rest of the group. Pregames now consist of everyone dropping their heads, waving their arms, and taking shots to the beat. But it doesn’t stop at the pregame, if the bar or the party doesn’t take some form of a rave, a betch is fucking bored.

The house craze also gives betches the perfect opportunity to go fucking wild. There’s no better feeling than the one everyone has as the music approaches “the drop.” The drop gives betches an excuse to carelessly, yet violently, shake their hair and entire body. There’s something about Deadmau5 that makes it chic to look like a retard mid-orgasm.

The times have changed so much that even being a promoter isn’t even remotely cool. Now the new thing is to be a DJ. If you don’t know at least one friend small Persian kid that is yearning for a spot on stage at Electric Daisy Carnival, you are not a betch.

So betches, start planning your outfits for next year’s Ultra, buy yourself some lollipops, and try to come up with a good answer for your parents as to why they haven’t met your BFF Molly.

36 Responses to “58. House Music”

  1. michelle June 23, 2011 at 12:38 pm #


  2. Kylie June 23, 2011 at 1:05 pm #

    When I saw this title I was so stoked to read it. BEST POST . I really want to rave with you betches.

  3. lilaaa June 23, 2011 at 1:38 pm #

    so fucking true
    these posts are amazing

  4. imnotabetch June 23, 2011 at 2:14 pm #

    Fucking idiots

    • lilaaa June 23, 2011 at 2:29 pm #

      jealousy is a disease
      kisses ❤

  5. Jarog4 June 23, 2011 at 2:23 pm #

    This is the best post EVER.
    Love Betches 😀

  6. candyfliptillidie June 23, 2011 at 3:52 pm #

    Yo most of those DJs aren’t even house and have been around and huge a lot longer than when your group of betches found them. But word raves are the shit and glad the tri-state area caught on.

    • duhhhhhderek June 23, 2011 at 9:43 pm #

      i dont even know how to respond to a person whose name is candyfliptillidie about raves, ifinally got into raving around a year ago and I was raised on this shit. some of my first music memories involve dj keoki oakenfold and prodigy. ive been to ultra. but i feel like i could never get on your level

  7. Barbra Striesand June 23, 2011 at 4:31 pm #

    http://www.fratbeats.com I’m assuming you already know about this, seeing as you ARE betches but for those of your readers who need to get with times . . . .

    • dontcare June 26, 2011 at 6:08 pm #

      fratbeatz.com is better

  8. Ari June 23, 2011 at 7:22 pm #

    I love every post on this site but never before have I felt so obligated to comment. It’s like you guys read my mind! House music literally drives me crazy— the drop plays and I’ll be writhing on some guy wildly whipping my hair and butt and maybe even fist pumping, which I’m sure to someone watching really does look like something between an orgasm and a seizure.

  9. betchyjessi June 23, 2011 at 9:32 pm #


  10. duhhhhhderek June 23, 2011 at 9:44 pm #

    Any girl that listens to EDM, dances like a maniac, and is willing to have your ass hang out surrounded by thousands of people is probably my new best friend

  11. sloane peterson June 24, 2011 at 1:31 am #

    I was pumped to read this post until about halfway through it dawned on me you’re all just dumb betches who jumped on the electro bandwagon about a year ago and love wolfgang and deadmau5 (who are AWEFUL djs).

    Some heinous mistakes:
    1) There is a difference between dubstep and house music.
    2) Just because your rolling your ass off doesn’t mean you’re at a rave… I bet 9/10 you’re just at your local metropolitan club on a Saturday.

    A true betch doesn’t write about shit she doesn’t know. Good idea for a post, but next time ask that dj you’re fucking for some pointers, so you don’t sound like dumb little ninnies.

    • truebetchobvi June 24, 2011 at 11:26 am #

      um maybe you should do your research too. or at least learn to use spellcheck. any point you attempt to make is conpletely written off by anyone with half a brain when you can not spell “awful” correctly. betch, please.

      • Lmfao June 26, 2011 at 3:56 pm #

        Says the dumb bitch who spelled “completely” wrong…

    • m July 10, 2011 at 10:56 pm #

      if you think wolfgang gartner is an “aweful” dj, you’ve got some serious issues

      • h July 15, 2011 at 4:10 pm #


  12. sloane peterson June 24, 2011 at 2:19 am #

    …and moombahton is the new dubstep. google it.

  13. Lola June 24, 2011 at 2:20 pm #

    You guys are SO behind.
    But I’m glad you know a little something about mainstream house…
    You should stick to bitching about tanning and boys bc at this rate you’ll never get on the level you should be to blog about music of any kind.

  14. Madeline June 24, 2011 at 3:56 pm #

    Yesss. I totes need new house music. Who has good shit?

    • SanDiegoBetch June 27, 2011 at 11:09 pm #

      Check out soundlogik.com it will def have something you are looking for!

  15. Kelly E June 25, 2011 at 11:32 am #

    Obviously the betches are late to the house/electro scene. Do you really think betches are going to go to some sketchy electro show before its socially acceptable to do so? Dance music used to be like sooooo gay and for Europeans, and dubstep used to be for weird smelly hippie kids who partied in dark basement clubs. But now it’s (almost) totally mainstream to roll face at Skrillex. Betches are on the trend like right after it pops off but right before it’s in car commercials. It’s unreasonable to expect betches to know a more obscure producer/DJ than Deadmau5 or Swedish House Mafia etc. So all you people being like, ohhhhh I know more obscure music than that, the betch answer to that is – you would, you fucking nerd.

    • h June 25, 2011 at 5:02 pm #

      hahahahahh respect

  16. Miami Betch June 26, 2011 at 6:24 pm #

    Thank you for summing up my life.

    A Betch From Miami

  17. betchhh June 26, 2011 at 8:04 pm #

    house music makes me think of shopping. hardcore shopping. whatabetch

  18. SanDiegoBetch June 27, 2011 at 10:22 pm #

    For all the Betches who like ANY electronic music genre you DEF need to check out

    Its daily music posts will keep you updated on what’s really going on in the music world an will def get you to venture out from the normal mainstream “house” and I promise there is something on that site for every betch out there!! 

  19. GenghisJon June 27, 2011 at 10:34 pm #

    Great post. Glad you fuckin betchez love house music. you should love http://www.soundlogik.com. Jus sayin

  20. this site is so ironic June 30, 2011 at 10:13 am #

    Dubstep is not house. Completely different music and scenes. Bro-step kids are so obnoxious.

  21. notjustabeautifulface July 9, 2011 at 1:20 pm #

    fratbeatz, goodmusicallday, and dirtymexicanlemonade… betches love those sites

  22. justanotherraver July 17, 2011 at 2:50 pm #


  23. 00700360jon July 24, 2011 at 1:23 pm #

    this site is so far behind

  24. 00700360jon July 24, 2011 at 1:24 pm #

    vacay is the way to go… fratbeatz is aweful by the way

  25. Cherelle Cominski July 30, 2011 at 1:07 pm #

    Hi! Me and my friends do like this podcast: house music as it should be! Just saying…

  26. Lolwut August 21, 2011 at 3:49 am #

    Wow. Just wow. You people are the reason ravers are leaving the scene. We loved our dirty basement parties and our ridiculous outfits. We loved our culture because people didn’t know about or understand our music. To see that some of you actually take pride in being as ignorant as possible about this makes me shake my head. I’m disappointed I’m everything this piece of writing stands for.


  1. I Heart House. « Home Swede Home 2.0 - July 7, 2011

    […] recently read on a newfound favorite blog, Betches Love This Site (click to read more), that we, people of the world, are in the midst of a musical revolution. […]

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