How Betchy Is Your College? A Quiz:

1 Sep

1. If you’re not in the Greek system you are:

A) just like everyone else. No one wears those stupid Greek letters. This is #63 America.
B) assumed to be a complete fucking loser. Go Greek or go the fuck away geed… To like, NYU or something
C) a normal person. No one judges you either way.

2. My school is located: (circle all that apply)

A) in a city
B) in the middle of bumblefuck
C) in Europe
D) in a coastal state, or in Chicago
E) in a landlocked state
F) in Canada
G) in the South

3. My school is:

A) in the Ivy League
B) Duke, UCLA, USC, Emory, Stanford, UMiami, Tulane, BU, GW, those types
C) the main campus of Indiana, Wisconsin, Michigan, Arizona, Ohio State, Penn State
D) a small liberal arts school in a coastal state, or NYU
E) a small liberal arts school in a landlocked state
F) in a big sports conference. Do I know which one? No fucking way.
G) MIT, CalTech, University of Chicago those types
H) other

4. On Saturdays during the day we typically:

A) tailgate
B) go to the library
C) day drink unrelated to sports
D) volunteer at hospitals and shelters, or attend plays or political campus rallies or other weird events you should be embarrassed to attend
E) sit around recovering from hangover, filling day with nothing in particular, lots of free time to #77 shop and drink #54 iced coffee

5. My tuition costs:

A) over $40,000 a year
B) under $40,000 a year
C) it’s free. I’m in the army!

6. Which of the following best describes the legacy situation at your school?

A) What’s a legacy?
B) A few of my friends have parents who went here. Does that count?
C) My bestie got a 500 on her verbal SATs. Shes at Penn now! What a smartie!
D) Idk, what does it mean when they put your last name on a building?
E) Um…I’m pretty sure my dad owns you.

7. I have been inside a library

A) never
B) once
C) 1-2 times each semester
D) more than the above

8. Most bros I know will later evolve into #62 Pros who work:

A) at a bank or a consulting firm
B) as a lawyer or doctor when they finally get that stupid fucking degree. Good thing his parents or rich or idk how he’d afford a ring AND med school!
C) as a farmer, writer, or union organizer or some other low paying shit possibly involving manual labor or creativity sitting around
D) for the government or in public service
E) in any profession that you could see Ari Gold doing
F) their post grad plans include being barred out and smoking pot


Scoring Key:
1) A=0; B=4; C=2. 2) A=5; B=1; C=5; D=3; E=1; F=1; G=4. 3) A=2, additional +1 if Penn or Cornell because you could be dumb, -1 if you go to brown; B=4; C=5; D=2; E=0; F=5; G=0; H=1. 4) A=5; B=0; C=4; D=0; E=3. 5) A=5; B=1 point per $10,000; C=0. 6) A=0; B=2; C=4; D=5; E=6. 7) A=5; B=4; C=3; D=0. 8 ) A)=5; B=4; C=1; D=1; E=5; F=0


0-15 points – Nice Girl University: A grad of this school will have a nice job as a schoolteacher or a social worker. She’ll have a #33 nice guy husband and a nice ring, the small size of which won’t matter because that’s not what’s important. Beauty is on the inside! A place where there’s Friday night poetry readings is a place where betchiness goes to die.

15-35 points – Wild Card University: You could be betchy in this school but you could also not be. (who would’ve thought?) You may be a betch but name dropping your school isn’t helping your betchy image.

35+ points – School of Betch: A nice guy would last 2 seconds at your school. Your school is filled with so many douchebags and betches that you can’t turn around without seeing a lax pinnie or a keg stand. The only ‘political’ protests that students rally for is the petition against the bar on College Ave closing down.

If you’re gonna complain about your results we never claimed to be unbiased or know everyone at every fucking school, although we’re sure they know us. Send your emails calling us out to and the funniest/best/betchiest submission(s) will be published.

24 Responses to “How Betchy Is Your College? A Quiz:”

  1. BetchWithABrain September 1, 2011 at 11:20 am #

    It is absolutely LAUGHABLE (not to mention insulting) that you would include UMiami, Tulane, BU, and GW along with Duke, Stanford, UCLA, etc. They are nothing but party schools where rich, stupid private schoolers go to get fucked up–oh and maybe a degree after 6 years. It seems like you were going for the “rich, smart kid” types of schools. The only way you could possibly think so highly of schools like UMiami, Tulane, and GW were if you actually went there. SO…

    The list should read: Duke, UCLA, Stanford, UVA, Georgetown, Vanderbilt, UNC Chapel Hill, UC Berkeley, those types

    • JenJen September 1, 2011 at 11:43 am #

      Don’t forget a certain school in St. Louis, Mo. Sorry, I’m not allowed to name drop. It can get pretty betchy depending on your sorority. Disagree about Tulane, plenty of betchiness there.

      • JenJen September 1, 2011 at 11:44 am #

        Also, my fiance went to Cal and the only betches were in top tier sororities, the majority of the campus on “asians in the library” types.

    • PrincessBetch September 1, 2011 at 11:43 am #

      Stick up your ass much betch?

    • east coast betch September 2, 2011 at 1:59 am #

      BU and GWU are the two betchiest schools on the east coast moron. um hello rich private schoolers that party are the best betches, and you are obviously poor and went to public school and that’s why you can’t relate. Btw…have you never seen Legally Blonde? Vanderbilt is full of fugly lame girls with bad teeth…and you call yourself a betch….

    • TheBetchiest September 12, 2011 at 6:09 pm #

      your literally an idiot

  2. Stuck in Canada September 1, 2011 at 11:56 am #

    I feel so unbetchy leaving a comment but i have to say- Betches know their shit.
    betch who avoids mentioning her college at all costs

  3. fashionbetch September 1, 2011 at 12:51 pm #

    what about fashion school betches, the best kind

  4. Betch September 1, 2011 at 4:10 pm #

    What about fashion schools? Full of betches.

  5. Natalie September 1, 2011 at 8:05 pm #

    Umiami as in Florida or Ohio?

    • everybetch September 2, 2011 at 12:04 pm #

      dumb question

  6. umcheckplease September 1, 2011 at 8:46 pm #

    what about CUNY and SUNY schools ??

  7. tarotworldtour September 2, 2011 at 1:08 am #

    It seems like very few people go to school just to get the damn diploma and don’t get sentimental about the partying or studying. Pay for it in cash or don’t go, and collect you 15-20% salary increases.

  8. GraceLynneFleming September 2, 2011 at 1:27 am #

    i love this site!!!!!!

  9. Betch Please September 2, 2011 at 1:46 am #

    NYU and schools in the city aren’t betchy while being in farm fields is? Please..

    • ha September 2, 2011 at 8:36 pm #

      Having an entire town to yourself is betchy because you literally only encounter fellow betches and bros. going to school amidst minorities and poor people is not betchy. Not to mention scary… I know a girl who went to fashion school in NYC and some man was murdered with a hammer on her street. No.

  10. Loveyabetch September 2, 2011 at 8:33 am #

    If ur school was #1 party school and you convinced ur rents that it had an excellent science department… 15 points

  11. Gillian September 2, 2011 at 8:13 pm #

    Your not even American… You know nothing about American Colleges. Your only 19, from Canada with a high school degree! LAME

  12. whatever September 2, 2011 at 9:29 pm #

    Not that I actually really care I’m just bored on the bus (I don’t want to hear it, I like to spend my money on clothes and vodka not cabs so talk shit if you’re so inclined, your college is obvi not in a city and therefor sucks) but about #1, I’m so over hearing about sororities as if they matter. The betchiest of betches don’t require being associated with a bunch of annoying girls in order to dominate the social hierarchy. It just fucking happens because they themselves are betches. It’s not even up for discussion anymore.

    #4 needs to be edited because unless you want to be some flabby nice girl, saturday mornings consist of burning off last nights vodka. Yoga, pilates, tennis whatever but unless you plan on accumulating a cellulite collection get your ass to the gym on saturday.

    And in regards to #8, the bros are completely irrelevant. No self respecting betch would ever even glance in the general direction of a BRO. Pros only. Please and thank you.

  13. Gillian September 3, 2011 at 4:37 pm #

    She haven’t even turned 18 yet and she haven’t even began college yet!
    She has no idea what she’s talking about…

    • Stuck in Canada September 5, 2011 at 3:41 pm #

      Gillian, really? Learn how to write.
      ..and read

  14. anon September 3, 2011 at 5:33 pm #

    I LOL’d at the -1 for Brown… always the shots at Brown, but it’s why I love it. We have a special kind of betch here.

  15. TheBetchiest September 12, 2011 at 6:08 pm #

    ASU is the betchhhiest school around and no one can argue that. we dgaf and have more fun

  16. MainBetch September 13, 2011 at 3:28 pm #

    excuse me?? I shouldn’t be receiving “nice girl university” bullshit. I go to UCSB where we take handle pulls on the reg, blackout on the ocean, and burn couches in the street. i don’t need a sorority to make other betchy friends, only the betchiest live in IV. come onnn…… get your shit together

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