Betch of the Week: Rachel Zoe

2 Sep

This week’s betch of the week is notable for amazing fashion sense and her ability to make her way to the ripe age of 40 without doing any work and just #77 shopping all day.

If that isn’t betchy enough, here are some more reasons while Rachel is betch of the week.

After graduating GW with bullshit degrees in sociology and psychology, and having some fake jobs at a few magazines, Zoe managed to somehow become the ultimate celebrity stylist, with her own reality TV show “The Rachel Zoe Project” with absolutely no formal fashion training. Now Zoe makes her own shit like handbags and accessories. It’s like she never even had to make a resume. Lucky betch.

This fall she’s coming out with her own clothing line that she’s turning into a lifestyle brand. What’s the lifestyle exactly? Be naturally skinny and everyone will forget you have no experience or training? Okay, we’re down.

She literally dresses the betchiest actresses in Hollywood. Be it Lindsay Lohan, Cameron Diaz, Mischa Barton or Demi Moore. She’s so hot she has even hotter women asking for her advice.

She teamed up with Nicole Richie to popularize the ‘boho chic’ look which consists of wearing oversized jewelry, loose fitting dresses, and an anorexic body.

Rachel is awesome because she has our ideal job. She gets to run around shopping all day wearing #60 sunglasses with #54 iced coffee glued to her hand.

Let’s talk about her personal life. She married Rodger Berman, her #52 gay bff who is also weirdly a #62 pro. He worships the ground she walks on and showers her with presents, and is also the best shopping partner a girl could ask for. She found the perfect guy to #8 not have sex with.

Oh wait but then she got pregnant. For some, having to stop consuming caffeine and weed is the biggest obstacle during pregnancy. For Rachel, it was how to still #42 dress like a slut. Oh, and she never got bigger than a size 0, but claimed she was never on a #5 diet.

Finally, Rachel has coined her own super trendy words. How many times have you heard your bestie declare last night was “B-A-N-A-N-A-S.” Yes, both Gwen Stephani and your lame friend stole that from Zoe. And how often do you hear someone exclaim, “I die!” yet they are still very much alive? 100% original Zoe. What a drama queen. Not to mention she is ALWAYS #82 over it.

So girls, if you want tips on how to make bank without knowing anything about banks besides your ATM pin, Rachel Zoe will always be your main betch.

9 Responses to “Betch of the Week: Rachel Zoe”

  1. preppybetch September 2, 2011 at 1:02 pm #

    let’s not forget that she’s so betchy the zoe in her name isn’t even pronounced right and she still gets away with it

  2. BigBetch September 2, 2011 at 1:12 pm #

    I loveee it, I fucking love her

  3. MM September 2, 2011 at 4:53 pm #

    Finally. I love how you put up the 2 I told you to put up. Thanks, dolls.

  4. JP September 2, 2011 at 5:24 pm #

    Zoe really is the ultimate betch. So pleased with this post and absolutely fucking love this site. Keep up the good work!

  5. LifesABetch September 2, 2011 at 5:36 pm #

    Mischa Barton’s betch status needs to be temp revoked because she let herself get fat, started hanging out with #UglyHot guys that were neither #LuckySpermClub nor #Pros, and espesh because when everyone finally figured out that she was a terrible actress, she didn’t do shit. I mean, instead of having Ray J pee on her to earn some kind of awesome reality show on E! So she could have the freedom to start her own line of handbags/designer baby clothes/diet pills, she just started doing tons of blow and clearly binging on (literally) Millions of Milkshakes. A real betch obviously avoids #DoingWork like she avoids having to explain why she got a C in philosophy, but one must step up to the plate to “work smarter”, even if only very briefly.

  6. Courtney Goldy (@courtenanay) September 2, 2011 at 8:33 pm #

    Except on the one episode where Rachel hangs out with Kate Hudson and tries way too fucking hard.

  7. Laura September 3, 2011 at 11:23 am #

    Lovee Zoe!!!

  8. Charlie Bird Wolf September 3, 2011 at 6:28 pm #

    If only she would share her betchy wardrobe benefits with me! Love your blog. Ciao Ciao!

  9. Lele September 5, 2011 at 3:01 am #

    Omg!! I love it<3

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