The Betch List

1. Talking Shit
2. Not Keeping Up With The News
3. Studying Abroad
4. Birthdays
5. Diets
6. Mobile Uploads
7. Token Crazy Friend
8. Not Having Sex With Bros (sometimes)
9. Nicknames
10. Candyland
11. Jersey Shore
12. Tailgates
13. Sunday Morning Regrets
14. Going on Dates
15. Justin Bieber
16. The Post-Breakup Betch
17. The Lucky Sperm Club
18. The Fuck Buddy
19. Ugly Hot
20. Clubbing
21. Abbrevs
22. The Group Photog
23. The Pregame
24. Insensitivity
25. The Betch Arch Nemesis
26. Spring Break
27. Tanning
28. The Drunken Brawl
29. Beauty and the Betch
30. Graduation Gifts
31. Wine
32. Winning
33. Hating Nice Guys
34. BBM
35. Sorority Rush
36. Not Doing Work
37. Betchy Moms
38. The Frenemy
39. Twitter
40. Formals
41. The Fake Smile
42. Dressing Like a Slut
43. Hating Haters
44. Diet Coke
45. Graduation
46. The Environment
47. Pick Up Lines
48. The Dud
49. Betches Love This City: Las Vegas
50. Guy Friends
51. Group Dinners
52. The Gay BFF
53. Shadiness
54. Iced Coffee
55. Dads
56. Cutting Lines
57.Hating girls who are TGF
58. House Music
59. True Blood
60. Sunglasses
61. Yoga
62. Pros
63. America
64. Hating Social Climbers
65. Sex and the City
66. The UGH
67. Curb Your Enthusiasm
68. The iPhone Switch
69. Besties
70. Delusional Daters
71. Betches Love This City: The Hamptons
71 and 3/4. Harry Potter
72. Sushi
73. Gossip Girl
74. Bottled Water
75. Froyo
76. Hating Guys Who Give You Their Number
77. Shopping
78. The Bachelor(ette)
79. Sexting
80. Bitching
81. Movie-Going
82. Being “Over It”
83. Sisters
84. Hating Long Distance Relationships
85. Freshman Roomies
86. Fraternities
87. The Real Housewives
88. The Stop & Chat
89. The Back Burner Bro
90. High Heels
91. Tennis
92. Love Triangles
93. Sexual Mapping
94. All Things British
95. Little Dogs
96. The Ex-Boyfriend Life Cycle

How Betchy Is Your College? A Quiz

Betchography: Boston
Betchography: Philadelphia

“Betches Love This Job” Guide to Post-Grad Life

Betches and Bud: It’s Complicated

Betches Love This Scandal: The Terminator Diddles the Maid
Betches Love This Scandal: Rupert Murdoch Talks Too Much Shit
Betches Love This Scandal: Weinergate

Betches Love This Story: The Caveman Diddles the KardAssian

How To:
Summer Like a Betch
Pretend You Care What Anyone is Saying When its Not About You
Dress for a Music Festival
Facebook Like a Betch
Seem Down to Earth
Text Like A Betch
Drink Like a Betch

Betches Love This Movie:
Bad Teacher
Friends With Benefits
One Day

82 Responses to “The Betch List”

  1. alex March 10, 2011 at 11:00 am #

    LOL you bitches crack me up

    • Emily May 8, 2011 at 5:44 pm #

      It’s betch, bitch.

    • John July 18, 2011 at 1:40 pm #

      You Betches are definitely too funny!! You think your in control of shit but rest assured your not! Bros will always run the world and you Betches will just be along for the RIDE!! Btw you try to make it sound like even though you are sluts you have standards…lol

      • elizabeth July 24, 2011 at 9:59 pm #


      • elizabeth July 24, 2011 at 10:02 pm #

        *you’re x 2

      • betch July 29, 2011 at 12:54 pm #

        If you’re on this site as a bro, yes we’re #winning.

  2. mbetch March 15, 2011 at 11:52 pm #

    would love a ex-girlfriend betch post

  3. LC March 21, 2011 at 1:50 am #

    The biggest betch is Effy Stonem from skins, Betch Queen fo sho.

    • FleahBetch May 19, 2011 at 6:36 pm #

      surrisly! she is ice-yyyyy love that betch

  4. Neds Youngest Brother March 22, 2011 at 11:18 pm #

    I mean I’m not saying I wouldnt hook up with a betch, or more like a slampiece (considering thats the proper term), but this site is a sad parody of bros like this I mean really BLTS is funny as shit, and this is just proving that everyone wants to be bro. This so called list is a total rip off of NYB’s work, except not funny. I dont like it.

    • Sneeks June 6, 2011 at 9:53 am #

      FUCK YOU !

    • ride the bull September 8, 2011 at 1:37 pm #

      sounds like someone got owned by a betch who was #winning.

  5. AE March 30, 2011 at 5:22 pm #

    @Ned’s Youngest Brother sounds like he needs a betch slap. It’s humorous, see? Chicks can be insensitive, hot, mildly slutty (not too much, but some), and hilarious too. Sometimes we’ll even play video games. Geez, what’s a betch gotta do to get some respect?

  6. Jøhnny April 4, 2011 at 3:38 pm #

    I think you should definitely make a post about having a gay friend… every betch needs one. We gays are true betches–the pretty ones anyway–and every betch has a GBF (gay best friend).

    Plus, more gays will love this site as much as I do if you promote having inappropriate relationships with us. I, like most gays, have eaten nothing but a few bites of mac’n’cheese, vodka and some–okay, a lot of–dick for the past week (that’s how we get our six packs), and this site helps assure that that is completely normal.

    • bibz June 9, 2011 at 5:20 pm #

      i agree

      • The Phillies Girl July 6, 2011 at 3:18 pm #

        there is one. its the GBFF post

  7. southern betch April 5, 2011 at 3:24 pm #

    Two suggestions:

    1.) Like the bro’s site, there should be articles describing betches from all over the country and from different universities.

    2.) We need a list of items every betch must have: longchamp bags, barbour jackets, yurman bracelets, everything tory burch, blackberrys/iphones, etc.

    Mad betch love.

    • Le betch April 14, 2011 at 11:52 pm #

      Yes! Photos from fellow college betches, hot guys around the country/colleges, the new thing all betches should have/know, etc.

    • Paige May 11, 2011 at 10:32 am #

      longchamp bags are coach bags. Get caught toting one of those around and you’ve just landed yourself betch -of- a- dad- who- merely- makes- a- hundred- thousand dollars- a -year status.

      • Paige May 11, 2011 at 10:38 am #

        but I totally agree with the first one for sure.

  8. sexobamabritneybukkake April 23, 2011 at 3:41 pm #


  9. dan. April 29, 2011 at 8:52 pm #

    this site is for those girls that talk way too loud, think theyre hilarious, and think everyone wants to hear them talk, when everyone waits for the golden moment when you finally shut up. most of these girls are from jersey or ny. these girls have low self esteem and are very self conscious, so make fun of every one else to boost their ego. they think theyre hot shit bc they bring home a lot of guys, when everyone knows guys will usually lower their standards low enough when drinking if a girl wants to fuck. theres a difference between being fuckable and being liked. this site is sad.

    • sorry im not sorry May 4, 2011 at 8:34 pm #

      betches can laugh at themselves dan.

    • Karen May 4, 2011 at 9:45 pm #

      Dan, I agree 100%. I cannot stand this girl. This girl lived all around me for my entire first year of college. Kill me… And people will probably judge this post, thinking, “oh, she’s just a fugly smart girl”…and yeah, I’m smart, I have a 4.0, and I’m proud of that. But I’ve also done modeling & acting in high school (though I’m not making that my career). So all of these girls should take a long look at themselves and ask why they feel so unfulfilled.

      • Jøhnny May 5, 2011 at 1:50 am #

        Karen, I’m sure you were quite the model and actress. Not sure why you had to include that irrelevant info while unnecessarily defending yourself ?? You guys act like “this girl” and “these girls” need to get a life, when you’re taking the time to read and reply to their posts. If you don’t like it, stay off the website. Go do something.

        And Dan, I must say your writing is atrocious… who the fuck was your English teacher? You are probs just not hot enough to fuck betches and I’m sorry about it because you seem mad about it.

        Just remember that haters are a dime a dozen, so as soon as you fall into that category, you’re just as cheap and common as the rest!

        And like, I know you guys are totally going to think I’m contradicting myself but I was, like, totally a model in high school and I, like, graduated with a 4.0, so, like, it makes it all okay, right?!

      • BigBetch July 4, 2011 at 2:39 pm #

        Dear Karen,

        This is not a coincidence…

    • mm May 12, 2011 at 8:27 pm #

      sweetie, you’re just mad because you can’t get us.

      and ms. 4.0, congrats i have a 4.0 too but my head isn’t up my ass about it. get over yourself, this site is satire. sense of humor goes a long way, and you’re clearly a really annoying person without one. muah!

    • jealousy is your middle name May 23, 2011 at 11:18 pm #

      dan, if you seriously took the time to read through the entire betch list and then took a step further by leaving a reply to try and describe what you think a betch is ill go ahead and let you know how we betches describe you, pathetic. props for taking a time out from your active online porn addiction but youre a typical hater. just because your mom is fat and your sister does our homework doesnt mean that your opinion matters. so why dont you go shave your back now. bye.

  10. your betch May 1, 2011 at 2:49 pm #

    -the sorority squat/arm
    -theme parties (how betches prepare)
    -betches and handles
    -ex girlfriends
    -eating habits (betches love to say theyre fat, when theyre really ano)
    -betches shopping (everything that goes along with shopping with other girls, being so competitive)

  11. Claire May 2, 2011 at 9:36 pm #

    Dumb bitches who think they’re betches. Bitch you don’t have the goods to be like us!

  12. ultimatebetch May 5, 2011 at 3:20 am #

    i loved the candyland post, but i think you need to dedicate an entire post to cocaine…a betch’s bestie.

    • mm May 12, 2011 at 8:29 pm #


  13. Karen May 5, 2011 at 11:38 pm #

    hey johnny: I felt the need to defend myself because I know exactly what this type of girl (the one who calls herself a “betch”) says when someone rejects her disgusting way of life…she thinks said person is jealous of her because they are not as pretty. This is why I included that “irrelevant” tidbit. At any rate, I realize your only goal in life is to “fuck betches,” and I think this makes you just as bad as these girls. The reason I commented on here is because I was shown this site by one of my friends who thought it made her cool to post it on Facebook, and I saw it and could not believe these girls were serious and actually take THEIR time to post on a website about all of the shallow, idiotic things they like to do and how it makes them SO much better than everyone else. Guess what, betches? Being lazy and shallow will not get you anywhere in life, and regarding the post about hating nice guys: thanks for making guys believe that all girls want a jerk. This is why so many of them are jerks, and it’s getting worse. It’s hard to find a nice guy anymore, and so say goodbye to relationships that work, and say hello to abusive ones in which everyone is shallow and constantly competes with each other. Sorry for the length of my comment, but these things have to be said. And I know you will all just call me a “hater” and ignore me, but please just try to look at yourselves and think for a second. Is there a possibility that I could be right, and that you’d be happier if you focused on real things instead of wasting time getting smashed and finding it hilarious.

    • Paige May 10, 2011 at 10:30 pm #

      Karen- I still don’t understand why this upsets you so much? I think YOU’D be happier if you realized how absurd you sound when you say that the betch culture has anything to do with abusive relationships. I think you’ll find that similar dynamics exists in such relationships you speak of in most subcultures through out the United States. While YOU’RE NOT modeling, studying, and staying off facebook, you should turn on a television or flip through a magazine. You’ll find that it is mainly the media who supports such superficiality that you also speak of. Or is it really the media? Many say that FDR would have never achieved his position as president of the US had televisions been around at this time simply because he was in a wheelchair. I guess your fight is one against vanity ( which you seem to have have no problem embracing when you basically call yourself pretty by including that you were once a model in your defense) . I guess this is noble, but I’m not quite sure as to why is where you are metaphysically going ot make a difference? This makes me think that you are in fact threatened, or jealous of BETCHES WHO LOVE THIS SITE.

    • mm May 12, 2011 at 8:33 pm #

      it’s possible to focus on real things WHILE getting smashed and finding it hilarious. also, not every betch embraces every aspect of betchiness. just because a girl likes going out with her friends, drinking, and having fun like a normal person, she doesn’t necessarily sleep around with “bros”. betches are just hotter, better, fabulous manipulators who are actually smarter than the rest of you because we get whatever the fuck we want with minimal effort. stop getting your panties in a bunch and calm the fuck down, it’s not attractive.

    • Whit June 10, 2011 at 1:15 am #

      Good GOD.
      Honey, you need a hobby. That hobby should be finding a sense of humor. Best of luck.

    • smart betch August 12, 2011 at 4:24 am #

      Do your reasearch ms 4.0-scroll down to the bottom of the page
      Legal: All content on Betches Love This Site is intended for entertainment purposes only. It is neither meant to be interpreted as the truth, nor based in reality. Any illegal actions described are neither condoned nor encouraged by the writers.

    • ride the bull September 9, 2011 at 2:01 pm #

      just one quick thing-

      “realize your only goal in life is to “fuck betches,” and I think this makes you just as bad as these girls. ”

      Pretty sure (and correct me if I’m wrong here) that Johnny previously identified himself as a Gay Bff… lolz just sayin

  14. jenna May 9, 2011 at 1:48 pm #

    pleaseee do a post about how a betch finds the perfect college roomate! it would be hilarious and every betch goes through this process, love the site thank you!

  15. Jersey Betch May 11, 2011 at 2:54 am #

    Pleaseee do a post on the dynamics of a betch’s inner circle! It is soo hard to gather the right group of friends (you know, girls who are pretty, but not prettier than you, etc). It’s a tough balancing act but us betches manage somehow…I know you’ll make it hilar 🙂

  16. GKODBETCH May 18, 2011 at 12:01 am #

    Betches love roadtrips.

  17. Lane May 18, 2011 at 8:00 pm #

    If the owner of this site ever met you…she’d probably hand you her car keys thinking you were valet…she’d also probably hire a one-night-only-security gaurd and not leave her drink unattended…but we’re really talking hypothetically (keyword being if) I’m assuming you’re a married man with an emotionally abused wife with two sluts for daughters.

  18. kellyk May 23, 2011 at 11:07 pm #

    the betch list #45 needs to be waxing. whatever betch impostors still think that shaving is appropriate needs to meet wax or a laser very soon.

  19. biggestbetch1 May 26, 2011 at 10:53 am #

    could you guys do a post about exes? and maybe how other betches shouldn’t hookup with another betches ex??

  20. TheRealBetchOfOH May 30, 2011 at 12:29 pm #

    I think we need an entry on Lax Bros, right betches? xoxo

  21. Lauren June 1, 2011 at 2:08 am #

    Definately need an Ex-boyfriend post, and a post about dating athletes…cause betches only date the best of the school obviously.

  22. Gabrielle June 2, 2011 at 11:04 am #

    Betches, you the best. For those of you that don’t understand the satirical value behind this website, read a book. Maybe you’ll finally hit the 6th grade reading level.

  23. Meg June 5, 2011 at 4:22 am #

    this website is the betches bible. enough said.

  24. jessica June 17, 2011 at 4:40 am #

    i blame u betches for turning in my term paper late. but whatever, i can talk to my professor and work it out cause im a true betch!

  25. Betchyness101 June 19, 2011 at 1:02 pm #

    Happy Fathers day! it’s a great excuse their own money to buy them a meaningless gift with their own money.but no article on the dilfs we love so much?
    But honestly betches, thank daddy dearest for providing you with the creditcard and social status that helped you become the betch you are today

  26. Alice June 25, 2011 at 7:06 pm #

    Vote for Emily for The Glee Project! She is the best betch there is 🙂

  27. BigBetch June 28, 2011 at 10:55 pm #

    I am a Betch, and I love this site.

  28. Pistol July 6, 2011 at 3:42 pm #

    i love this site so much!

  29. A Betch Abroad July 11, 2011 at 6:17 am #

    Its great that anyone who disses the site automatically becomes an ugly jealous (and probably fat) hater. Ultimate comeback and almost inevitably true.

    • PowerBetchInTraining August 5, 2011 at 4:39 pm #


  30. canadaaaa eh July 13, 2011 at 2:17 pm #

    This website basically describes life. it’s my new bible.

  31. betchin July 13, 2011 at 8:06 pm #

    you need a post about sushi

  32. bigktbug02 July 21, 2011 at 12:56 pm #

    This entire site is the f*ing shit! Me and my bestie have decided to live by it since we discovered it, and we are doing a bang up job so far i must say!Question??? There is a betch of the week, but how about a betch of the year? I think there should be a contest for the readers of this site to submit what makes them betch of the year! cuz i am pretty sure i would win… just saying i am the shit and thats that!

  33. ginajenero July 21, 2011 at 1:11 pm #

    this site for sure needs an iphone app, and then we’re talking max legit betchness.

    love ya


    • Meredith July 25, 2011 at 4:21 pm #


      I fucking love this site. Finally someone understands me!

  34. I'm so pretty. July 22, 2011 at 1:23 am #

    Love this site. So hilarious, everyone needs to stop being so critical and just laugh. The Betch way of life needs to be embraced and loved. Buh bye haters.

    You totes need a blog about:
    Theme Parties
    Jersey Chasers (the betches obsessed with athletes)
    Selecting a Major
    The Fugly Betch
    The Jealous Betch

    • sunday morning betch July 31, 2011 at 10:48 am #

      and sisters

  35. camila July 31, 2011 at 10:30 am #

    you should do one about texting etiquette

  36. jessica August 3, 2011 at 5:20 pm #

    How about discussing underage betches and fake ID usage? All the betches who are real betches go to the bars before they’re supposed to.

  37. PowerBetchInTraining August 5, 2011 at 4:36 pm #

    I would love to see a “day in the life of a Power Betch” post. As a Power-Betch-In-Training, tips about how to utilize my betchyness in the corporate world to get what I want and be on top of my game would be quite beneficial.

  38. BetchFet August 10, 2011 at 12:36 pm #

    We need a post on:

    1. DILFs
    2. Losing shit (wallet, phone) when we’re fuckfaced
    3. Lax bros
    4. Waxing
    5. Mani/Pedis
    6. Denial (did you hook up with this bro? NO WAY betch… [you woke up in his bed naked that day])

    • Jewish Betch August 14, 2011 at 7:10 pm #

      7. BIRTHRIGHT. Because it’s a free vacation to an exotic place, it not only increases a betch’s sense of entitlement but provides a great location to get tan.

    • newport betch August 28, 2011 at 8:37 pm #

      Agreed. What about a post on conservatism? Too controversial?

  39. BetchHuntingPros August 12, 2011 at 1:13 pm #

    Betches love happy hour because its the best way to bait and hook a #62Pro. I would love a betch list # about the intricacies of a betch’s happy hour. Sometimes we even spend the majority of our day at “work” planning where we will go to happy hour, who we will invite, who we WONT invite, and what/who our goals for the evening are. happy hours are delicate social interactions and take a lot of orchestrating. Betches must be classy and creative in chosing a spot that is full of Pros, but not overcrowded with dime-a-dozen bitches. So its no wonder that thursday is the least productive “work” day of the week since its the most important day for finding a quality Pro right after he emerges from his high paying banking job.

  40. Chrissy Dee August 12, 2011 at 5:50 pm #

    I want to be friends with the author.. Please… House Music is so my favorite so far!

  41. lettucenodressing August 16, 2011 at 1:36 pm #

    Love the site- Would love to see posts on:

    1. Whole foods (betches don’t eat but when they do it’s only organic, duh)
    2. Andy Cohen
    3. Cruel Intentions (or Sarah Michelle Gellar as betch of the week)

  42. Mimosa Maven August 19, 2011 at 11:42 pm #

    Betches love to brunch. Love love this site!! Check out when you can.. or if you’re ever in NYC

    • Mimosa Maven August 19, 2011 at 11:52 pm #

      looks like you’re clearly in NYC already.. cheers betches

  43. jess August 20, 2011 at 2:45 pm #

    how is the betchography considered even valid if the most notorious betch capital, and its protege arent even featured?

    New York City is light years beyond what a small town like Boston can ever dream to be in any terms, ESPECIALLY betchiness.

  44. Mimi Cook August 23, 2011 at 6:45 pm #

    I really like your blog. Check out mine,

  45. sallly August 24, 2011 at 12:16 pm #

    Me and my betches are going to vegas … a post about vegas would be perfecttt 🙂

  46. Melly August 30, 2011 at 12:36 am #

    Can u do one on girl code? Bc alot of Betches don’t abide by it

  47. jb August 31, 2011 at 8:14 am #

    baltimore betchology asap betches!

  48. Ascrilla September 7, 2011 at 8:33 pm #

    Vegas could be another topic to do. How betches get into everywhere for free and don’t have to pay a dime. The real top-notch betches get to hang out with celebrities all weekend and have the celebrities pay for all there stuff.

  49. betchyyyyyyy September 12, 2011 at 11:05 pm #

    Betch of the Week : Patty Sterger aka the Millionaire Matchmaker. What a fucking genius. Taking money from millionaires and setting them up with chicks who COME TO HER because they obv want to marry a millionaire. I mean what betch doesn’t. And not to mention she always looks fabulous, doesn’t put up with anyone’s shit, and ended her engagement because he wouldn’t play by her rules. Def betchy.


  1. The Google+ Project (Or, how I like when people, objects and technology are withholding) « Anna's Cubby Hole: Ramblings of a Cub Reporter - July 7, 2011

    […] I found out that I couldn’t sign up. It’s sort of like that crap they blog about on Betches Love This Site: This betch really loves things that she can’t have. Right now, I can’t access Google+, […]

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